Yoga with a Broken Heart

mugand bookYesterday, I was dealing with a broken heart.  A person I love dearly decided to end a friendship of 10+ years.  This has left me feeling sad and lonely, and has me questing myself as a friend and human being.

Of course, in the midst of personal tragedy, life must go on.  On Mondays, I like to fit in a Hot Yoga class right before teaching my two evening classes.  I toyed with not going as I just didn’t feel up for it.  However, I know when I don’t want to go to yoga is when I need it the most.

Naturally, we worked on broadening throughout the collar bones (aka heart opening).  Opening my heart was the last thing I wanted to do.  I wanted to cave in my shoulders, hunch my back and protect myself from further emotional damage.

But that’s just how God works, isn’t it?

My heart pounded the entire class.  It leaped up into my throat.  I hated it.  With the heat, there is already an intense inward focus, even more so than in a normal class.  I became angry.  I didn’t want to feel my heart.  I wanted to lose myself and feel nothing.

Feeling nothing is the opposite of the intention behind practicing yoga.  Yoga makes us more aware and attune to our body.  Sometimes yoga brings up emotions, which have been locked away.

I have heard stories of people breaking down in the middle of a core focused class. One student of mine confided in me that when she puts any weight on her arms, emotional trauma of past abuse arises.   I know yoga can bring these things up; I just never experienced it for myself.

Following the class, I had to quickly switch gears and teach my Slow Flow/Restorative and my evening Rest and Renew class.  Those two hours were glorious.  I put all my focus and energy on my students and completely let go of the sadness and anger I felt during Hot Yoga.

Now this morning, as I sip coffee from my Magical Marauders mug (given to me by another very very close friend), I am pondering yesterday’s Hot Yoga lesson.  What do I need to open my heart to?

I actually don’t even need to question this.  I already know.  I need to open my heart to having faith that my friend and I will one day reconnect; that even though things will be different (and sad for a while), it will be ok; and that my friend, for whatever reason needs this time, and maybe I need it too.

Even as I write this, I want to guard my heart.  I am trying to be brave, though, and keep my heart and mind open to the new experiences ahead.

Energy, thoughts and prayers are welcome as I grieve this loss and chapter of my life.signiture copy copy

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Comments

  1. Reblogged this on Brenda and commented:
    Broken hearts are never easy. Once you find a place that makes you feel whole again, hold on to that as you can. All things happen for a reason.

  2. I nominated you for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award!
    http://getitom.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

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