My 3 ring binder has a Flux Capacitor

Since my declaration of blogging once again, I’ve found myself waiting for that perfect, blog-worthy inspiration to occur. And, sometimes, as a professional mom, inspiration is … lacking.

But, I happened upon a little diamond in the rough today.

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I spent my day doing all the mom things. Taking care of the children, cleaning the house, and de-cluttering my bedroom. Getting rid of stuff to live a more organized has been both my goal and the bane of my existence for my entire adult, married life.

Today I cleared from my bedroom of a big stack of paper; a pair of boots; a handful of clothing tags; four pens; a bunch of hair ties; two books; Christmas lights; a bag of other random Chirstmas things that need to go out to the garage; a shirt; two scarves; a couple pairs of my husbands old shorts; and four old notebooks with yoga lessons, to-do and grocery lists scrawled all over the pages. All of this was after de-cluttering four big garbage bags worth of clothes two months ago! In addition to this de-clutteirng awesomeness, I also re-folded all my clothes KonMari style.

After my bedroom triumph, I had the opportunity to attend a yoga class at the studio I teach for; a class I happen to be taking over. Instead of remaining present with my practice, as I am always reminding my students to do, I thought about this fresh new composition notebook I picked up at the dollar store, with the intention of writing down my yoga lessons. You see, I have a bad habit of jotting down my lessons on random pieces of paper or notebooks. The goal is to streamline here, people!

My thoughts wandered still to a large three ring binder full of past yoga lessons I taught at some point over the past five years. Last year I took the time to pull all of these lessons out of as many random notebooks as I could find and place them all together in this one three ring binder. It was a big task and a big accomplishment

These lessons are mostly lists of poses. Some have good information I jotted down after taking a class with various teachers. Some have inspirational poems and quotes. Most are classes I would never teach again.

I’ve grown significantly in the past five years and 2000 plus hours of teaching. My style has remained similar, but my tone, my authority, my knowledge have expanded. Teaching yoga doesn’t scare me so much anymore. I feel pretty confident in what I know. And, even knowing I don’t know it all, doesn’t intimidate me.

It’s cool to see my progression in one three-ring binder. But, I asked myself is it necessary to hold on to? I kept them so I could have a quick lesson should I ever need one. However, when I have “those kinds of days” I have the ability, the confidence and the know how to put together a class as I’m teaching. In those instances I choose to watch the room. I look at bodies, I ask how my students feel, what they want to work on. The thought of attempting to do such a thing four years ago gave me the hebbie jebbies.

I just don’t have to be scared any more.

This three ring binder is kind of like getting into my DeLorean and going back to the future. I’m face to face with my past self. A self that is thinner, stronger and more flexible. But, she is mentally and emotionally weak. She lacks my skill and my confidence. She is just a newborn baby yoga teacher. Bless her heart.

I wish I could give her a hug and tell her all those things she thinks about herself aren’t true. But, alas such an interaction would disrupt the time-space continuum.

The lessons on those pages are like Doc Brown’s newspaper. I guess in a way I held on to them to make sure I don’t slowly disappear, and of course because “I might need them someday.”

Turns out, maybe the Universe lead me to hold on to those lessons so I could have this realization that the binder is holding me back. So I could let go of them someday; and so I could set the Flux Capacitor back to the present moment and bring my DeLorean back to The Now.

Tonight I threw those lessons in the trash. I’m back.

And for fun:

Marty: No, no, no, no, no, no, Doc. I just got here, Jennifer just got here, we’re gonna take the new truck for a spin.
Doc Brown: Well, bring her along. This concerns her too.
Marty: Whoa, wait a minute, Doc. What are you talking about? What happens to us in the future? What, do we become assholes or something?
Doc Brown: No, no, no, no, no, Marty. Both you and Jennifer turn out fine. It’s your kids, Marty. Something gotta be done about your kids!

signiture copy copy

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